Confident kris (Overcoming Anxieties with Strength and Confidence)
Last week I told my instagram followers about my new book Confident Kris. I didn't put it out on any other channels at that point just instagram. The response has been incredible. One of the most interesting things is that almost every purchaser has been female! I wonder what that says! Lots of teachers and parents from across the world have bought the book while others await the arrival of the female version of Kris in a couple of weeks. Incidentally as I wrote the book, I had requests from two parents for one of the chapters in particular to be forwarded to them as they needed something to help their children as they were at their wits end. As you can imagine, this was quite a shock to me and I started to realise the potential impact of what I was writing and what it might do for people's lives if I could pull it off.
The source of the book
Anyway, let me tell you a little about the book and why I decided to write it. Towards the end of last year I was made aware by someone close to me that a young teen was being bullied at school by up to as many as 50 other children. It was at the point that the young man was unable to go to school and his parents had to wait outside the leisure centre and school and basically anywhere else he was incase some trouble would start. The bullies focused on his appearance among some other things. To be honest I was so angry about it I asked if he and his parents could come and see me as soon as possible as I knew I had a chance of changing a few things for him that would hopefully help the situation. A few days later he and his Dad came and met me. (I didn't particularly set out to write about bullying, it happens to be a very small part of the book actually, but its a good example of something that may be partially deterred by personal strength and confidence)
What I drew upon
My surfing, self defence teaching, life experience (incidentally none of which feature in the book)
Before he arrived I had written him 3 pages of notes. The notes focused on him, not the bullies.....When I used to surf competitively I learned a very valuable habit to get into. If I was surfing in a competition heat and I would watch the other three surfers riding the waves my attention was not on me, my ability, my scoring performance or spotting the opportunities I needed to select a wave to post a good score on. By watching the other surfers I was paying attention to them and not me or my surroundings. So what I did with this kid was something similar. I wrote him a version of what I used to do every single day to keep focused on my growth and confidence so that I would be continually developing myself in various ways so that I could achieve what I wanted in life.
I have a third degree black belt and I hold a Master Instructor position at Krav Maga Northern Ireland and Vault Defence. I have taught people from all walks of life and been involved in some close protection work. But, self defence was not really what this day was about, that was only for a complete emergency situation should he ever have to get away from somewhere quickly. Yes, we spent an hour or two with my only black belt student and compadre, Marino, doing some situational awareness and escape drills but that was only ever meant to be a total last resort for the kid. I was more concerned with getting him to develop a habit of daily growth and focus on himself to build strength and confidence and use those to his advantage.
I also drew attention to the natural world around him, its moods, its opportunities, its freedom.
I pulled his attention away from these bullies and the fear it was causing of what may or may not happen around the corner. The idea? To put the actions of the bullies into perspective and help him rise above them, without revenge but through personal development and focus.
Long story short
The kid left, went home and began doing what I suggested on a daily basis. One of the major things he didn't realise was that he already had confidence. He dressed differently to the other kids, he looked good, he had style. However the bullying made him think he wasn't confident or strong. I'm sure anyone reading this already knows that it takes real confidence to want to stand out and be different. He already had that, he just didn't realise it because he had been listening to these kids bullying him.
Within in a couple of weeks he passed his first belt grade in jujitsu and found the confidence to tell his parents something he had been unable to open up about until then.
So, seeing that change and how he absorbed everything made me realise that this stuff might also be of use to others and I began to craft a fictional story incorporating specific elements.
I had the basic concept for the book but it wasn't until I brought it back to myself that I found the story to pull it all together. The book focuses on fears and how a different perspective can often be the solution to overcoming them. It also focuses on becoming strong and confident through practice and daily action and how strength and confidence are not things we are necessarily given at birth but they can be developed.
Confident kris was born. Incredible rituals, daily habits, strong guidelines for life and a powerful attitude all ooze from Kris.
Check out the images for more info and www.confidentkris.com